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There's a telling instance in Lukas Gage's new book where he refers to it a "premature autobiography". It's a humble joke, of course, but it's also accurate. Gage isn't extremely famous – at least not yet. Likely, though, if you've watched him then you will remember him. In 2020, he became an internet sensation after leaking an tryout recording where the filmmaker – not realizing he wasn't on mute – was caught judging his apartment. "These poor people live in these small apartments," he states, before Gage intervenes to let him know he can hear every word. The following year, Gage starred in the first season of The White Lotus: in one moment, his character Dillon is discovered by a visitor standing completely undressed in the office, while said manager engages in anilingus on him.

"I figured: I don't have too much to do in the show so I'd better put my mark on it big," he remarks with a grin today. "I aimed to give people something to recall me for – and I did!"

Chaotic Roles and Life

Gage excels in characters whose lives are chaotic and disordered – just like his own. That existence is all revealed in his autobiography, which – here comes another modest joke – is called I Wrote this Book for Attention. Although humorously engaging, its subject matter is far from light. We start with Gage's emotions of rejection by his father, then move on to drug use, molestation, domestic issues, addiction, personality disorders, guilt, rocky romances and emotional pain. What we don't get all that much of is the glamour of fame. Gage freely acknowledges he is at the beginning of his profession. He has no vast stores of knowledge to impart on achievement. So what was the purpose of penning a autobiography?

"I think it's therapeutic for me to share my journey," he says over a online call from New York. "Throughout the entertainment industry strike I had the opportunity to really delve and go profound, so I just said: why not."

Childhood Life and Validation

Gage, 30, was raised in San Diego, and from an early age he was aware of his persistent need for validation. He recalls a gathering where he appeared, aged four, wearing high heels and Playboy bunny ears; in particular, he remembers being wounded by his dad's obvious distaste at what he was doing. Their bond never really recovered – Gage's dad left and became progressively distant with his sons (Gage has two older brothers) before starting with a different household.

Gage found it difficult to belong at school. He was a natural performer, but this meant it was often challenging to know who the real Lukas was. "I was constantly adopting different personas and identities, which I think was quite polarising for people," he states. It also had its benefits. Gage could effortlessly take on the character of a clean-living football player while secretly stocking his bag up with alcohol at the back of the local store. He was sometimes paid by fellow pupils to call up and imitate their parents to get them out of class. "Becoming different people was effortless to me," he remarks.

Addiction and Household Challenges

The book deals with addiction – mainly his sibling's battles with heroin that transform the admired brother he looked up to into a weak zombie, but also his mother's obsession with casino slot machines. An early jackpot meant the household could manage to make the down payment on a bigger house, but Gage laughs when I ask if she actually made money from betting. "In the end, how much she spent was definitely a lot more than that."

It is amusing, he says. Until she had read the book, his mum hadn't really reconciled with this aspect of her personality. "She spoke to my other brothers, like, 'Do you guys feel this way too?' And they were all like, 'Naturally, we've been mentioning this since we were kids.'"

Gage has a lot of affection for his mum, who obviously brought her children up in difficult conditions. But she had a hard time reading it. "She felt as if she failed as a mother and I did not want her to think that way at all. I believe like even though there's these chaotic things that occurred to me, tough things, I truly loved the way that I was raised."

Discovering Identity and Abuse

Gage didn't begin to find his true self until he was sent to an performance program as a youngster, where being boisterous, flamboyant and attention-seeking was actually supported. The time was transformative in good ways, but also in a awful one. One night, he was accompanied in his tent by a instructor who instructed Gage and a girl camper to kiss, remove their clothes and press their selves against each other while he masturbated. For years later, he tried to dismiss the shame it left him with.

"Like a lot of people who undergo being abused, I felt like there was a willingness on my part because my body just disconnected. I knew it was wrong. I knew that the situation should not be happening. But I just ploughed through it."

Doubt and Professional Path

Gage is tough on himself in the book – and still is. He admits to looking for "dark critiques" of himself on the internet. "I regret that I don't always hold my acting and work in the best light," he states. "I desire I could have more empathy with that part of myself."

Yet he accepts that this self-criticism motivates him forward too. In high school, he appeared in a skin care commercial and spent the day on set asking every query possible about mic positioning and the role of grips. Despite his mum's reservations, he left San Diego for Hollywood at the age of 18, staying in the Alta Cienega Motel where his hero Jim Morrison lived, on and off, between 1968 and 1970 (Tripadvisor reviews – "Avoid completely from this DUMP!" – suggest it might not have been the most comfortable of accommodations).

Gage's big break should have come when he secured a part in Mad Men, as Sally Draper's love interest. He told his whole family about it, but during a costume fitting he was forced to show the tattoos he'd had inked on his ribs, spine and calf. "I had these representatives telling to me: how could you damage this? How could you sabotage this? I don't think that was the best thing for a teenager to listen to when they've just missed out on something that significant."

These days, such tattoos would be concealed in minutes, but at that time he was dismissed and starting over. The relentless cycles of tryouts and refusals were harsh, but at least he had been trained well for them. "If I ever got turned down for a job, I would always feel: it's fine, it's not as bad as my dad leaving me for another household and child," he says.

Perseverance and Success

Gage continued. The tale of how he deceived, begged and cheated to get an audition for Assassination Nation, which ultimately led to a role in the popular series Euphoria (as Tyler Clarkson, black-eyed and in a neck brace) and then The White Lotus, could take up a book in itself. Gage remembers the strangeness of shooting The White Lotus in 2020, sequestered in a luxury Hawaii hotel while the pandemic and the US election raged on. It was in fact Gage, along with fellow actor Murray Bartlett, who pitched the idea that their sex act should be something a bit extra – and creator Mike White happily agreed. Gage chuckles recalling his mum's response. "She wrote me a message, like, 'What a cute bum, but maybe next time give me a warning that's going to happen when I'm watching with my companions.'"

It was while on set that Gage shared colleagues the audition video in which his home was slated. Their response – shocked, entertained, supportive – persuaded him to post it online. He wasn't ready for the reaction it received: countless articles, outpourings of backing from peers and strangers alike, and a campaign against the director in question, none of which Gage had any control over. "I felt like people were much more angry about it than I was, which confused me," he {